Houston We Have A Problem

It seems to be the end of the world for some. Houses are being washed away, flooding beyond belief, losing literally everything all the way down to memories. The natural feeling of panic is at its peak. Damage and distress seems to be all over in our country but more so specifically speaking about Houston. I cannot even imagine going one day from being ok to bam, everything is gone. That too would cause massive amounts of stress to any human. It’s out of your control and it’s a life or death situation, I can empathize in all ways.

After keeping a close watch of the news, and various stories being published, it just seemed like nothing but chaos in Houston. People are now in full panic mode and scared beyond belief. However, I had a completely random thought that may sound like I am crazy or stupid, but it’s for the most insensible non-confusing way I think. If that even made sense.

Instead of being in full panic-mode, what if we tried to stop, look and listen during this time of distress. Yes, there is a bloody hurricane going on, I am well aware of that. However, for whatever reason being, it seems to make sense in such a tangible way. Jesus asks us to cast all our cares on Him because He cares. To run to Him when we are in distress. When it comes to mother nature taking her course, it’s so hard to understand and blame her. She’s just doing what she is called to do. As believers, we are called to peace, we are called to run to our Father in every need. I just wonder what it would be like to be in Houston, and instead of panicking, seriously stop whatever you are doing (hopefully you’re somewhere safe) look around where you are and just listen. Be still, be still and know that you are alive. You are safe, you are protected. Truly listen in the middle of distress. You are in the eye of the storm right now, surrounded but what seems to be hell on earth. Panicking only makes it worse, physically and mentally. So instead of doing what everyone else is doing, try to take a moment and just be still. Be still and know. Know that you are loved, you are cherished, you are protected, you are loved, you are cared for and you are going to be ok. In whatever way

Truly listen though. All in this middle of distress. You are in the eye of the storm right now, surrounded but what seems to be hell on earth. Panicking only makes it worse, physically and mentally. So instead of doing what everyone else is doing, try to take a moment and just be still. Be still and know. Know that you are loved, you are cherished, you are protected, you are loved, you are cared for and you are going to be ok, in whatever way being ok means.

Stay strong Houston.

Advertisements

Moving On

You have no idea the anxiety I am getting just thinking about this shit. I am so embarrassed to share this information because my ego is like “Sierra, come on that happened years ago, get over it.” Ugh, I hate this but I know I need to do this.

Majority of us know what high school is, right?

Ok, well for me, it was not like the movies that’s for sure. It was basically hell on earth for me. No, I am not exaggerating, it was indeed hell on earth. Ask my mum.

I was bullied, left out, constantly made fun of, put down, name called, forgotten about, walked on and just plain treated like shit by my “friends.”

I too, though, bullied, put down and name called. So it was what you can call, a tango.

Uh, seriously this is so hard to type but what’s really interesting and funny is that conversations and situations are coming up like it happened yesterday.

This is for the bully and the bullied:

You’ve heard it before and should really take it into consideration of what it really means.

Do you really know their story?

It’s unfortunate for some who are in the ages between 14-17 who fail to recognize what they say can have a TREMENDOUS effect on any person, good or bad. No matter how “cool” you want to look or “shitty” your life may be. Words can give life and take life.

This is where I choose to give grace to the bullies who do not deserve grace or the benefit of the doubt because how I was treated was unacceptable. It was so unacceptable that I spiraled into a deeper darker place of depression, anxiety and minor suicidal thoughts because at the young age of 11 I was just in the early stages of depression from so many unfortanate events, to just feeling left out. My 4 years of choosing to be surrounded by these people only harmed my emotional being that much more, but during that time, I had no idea. If you think “well how could she possible still be effected, it happened long ago.” Crappy thing is, it doesn’t go away if you never talk about it. Just like anything else. I am currently still in a position with depression/anxiety but I am at the stage of seeing the light at the end of tunnel because GOD IS so so GOOD. But seriously, He is the key to freedom and He is the healer for the hurt. That’s a different blog for a different day though.

Anyway, back to high school.

I have no idea why I was treated the way I was, honestly.

I have no idea why I was too this certain sentace from someone whom I thought was my “friend and classmate.” It has haunted me for years.

Sierra, you’re a stupid bitch.”

WHAT?

Why the heck would you ever say that to someone? Why would you say that to someone who is struggling so hard, in that moment that could have been a tipping point for them. Why would you even say that in general… why do you think you can talk to someone like that? Who do you think you are? During this emotional shaking moment that was taken place during Junior English studies class, everyone had to of heard it since it was bloody loud, but funny thing again. I had “friends” in that class who didn’t say a thing or even stand up for me. Oh and that teacher that said “I’m not getting into this.” All I could think in that moment was: Haha, thanks friends oh, and helpful caring teacher, thanks for being a teacher!

Those people who were in my class, who verbally abused me, who didn’t stand up for me, they claimed to be a “family”, and signed the I love you sign” during assemably…but let’s be honest. It sounds great on paper however, family does not treat each other the way we did.

No one ever asked me what was going on, why I was pissed off all the time, why I never went to school, why I hated to be home, or why I put on a stupid awful party and invited my “friends” to it.

But… maybe you did seek out and I just didn’t hear it at the time, so I do apologize for that. From what I can clearly remember, I do not recall such act since during the various high school ages and times, it’s all about me and benefiting your status or name in a time that will go by quicker than you know…psh high school.

It’s really about who you surrounded yourself with, right? Obviously knowing that now. However, during high school, majority of us just want to be accepted by everyone. We want to be liked by everyone and be cool. So, we will do and say just about anything to be classified as a term of endearment known as cool.

Today, I don’t care about being cool, I care about others and how they feel, I care about feelings and being careful with that I say. Thus, I want to apologize to ALL the people I bullied in high school. What I did was NOT ok. It was rude, hurtful and not life-giving at all. No one ever deserves to be treated the way I treated them. I did not know better then and just reacted out of hurt. However, I do not want that to seem like an excuse. This is where I want to ask for grace, because I did not know better. We were all immature and only go off by what we know.

Now, something I want to say.

As bitter as I may have been 5 minutes ago about the people who bullied me, typing out my thoughts have really allowed a lot of clarity and just freedom, incredibly joyful freedom. I never thought I would say this or actually want this to happen but I want to forgive every person who bullied me and made me feel like shit throughout my 4 years of school. I want to forgive you because I want healing. I do not want to live in the past anymore and allow old thoughts, emotions and conversations to affect me in the here and now present. I want to forgive you because I believe you deserve it. If there’s one thing I have learned from Christs’ character, it’s forgiveness. He forgives me… He forgives me. It’s crazy to think all that I’ve done in my life, He can forgive me, especially bully people. But, I forgive because Christ forgives. I forgive because I want to not because I have to. I forgive you because well, I am finally choosing so.

Kindest regards,

Former classmate and student.

Streets Of Pons

Recently a few girlfriends I met here had a going-away celebration for a friend of ours and it happen to take place in this very small peculiar area called Ponsonby
Our first stop was a place called Miss Moonshines for brunch, that ended up being lunch since our arrival time. We ended up getting apps and drinks because it’s so damn expensive!! We all cannot afford life at the moment, so we made it work😜 

 Help me I’m poor.



Later on we decided to walk around some streets since it was a beautiful day. 







While walking on the streets I’ve come to notice that New Zealand shopping areas have no rhyme or reason. Anything you need… it’s there, literally. Every other store seemed to be exotic dancing and adult “clothing” stores. It’s quite interesting and really revolting. But despite all that uncomfortableness, I managed to find some beauty within these streets!! 

Gallop On

As I take in my surroundings and just the past year of my life, I have come to notice something very positive. I usually complain about my generation and just how lazy we are because I can’t agree more how we are the generation of entitlement. We are also the generation of instant gratification. We have so much access to life and what it can offer but sometimes we’re too lazy to go for it. It’s a sink or swim world and it seems like we’d much rather float at times.

Ever heard of that quote, “the world is your oyster” well again, couldn’t agree more. There is a whole world out there that should be seen. With the access we have and the technology of nowadays, youd think everyone would skip the mundane American lifestyle and explore.

However, I am very grateful to be born in a time of where creativity is limitless. Skills are able to be shown and worked on. Thinking outside the box is acceptable. And taking the non-worldly path is more-so ok. It allows us “fly by the seat of our pants” personalities to not feel so trapped. We can explore pretty much this whole life we are given however we want, when we want.

At times, I do wish I could have the mundane lifestyle but hear me out, I’m also not bashing on that choice. The fact of the matter is, my personality is too ADHD to stay in one place. Once I tasted the other side of the worlds water, I’ve wanted to try other waters as well. And with the choices I have made, I get to enjoy life with others whom are like-minded. It makes me more at ease about my choices and helps me not think I’m not that crazy! 

Righto, I’m in a place where wifi is limited, food is expensive, drinks are expensive, and money is tight. But you know what? That’s ok! It’s been challenging yet tolerable in so many ways. I get to embrace my surroundings more fully than I would if I had all those other distractions. Making do with what you have is more of an adventure than heaps of access or having it be easy.

Enjoy the ride, enjoy the struggle, find the beauty within the pain because the outcome is so unknown, be ready for whatever comes. You’re stronger than you think and 100% you can get back up on that horse. 

Gallop on, friend. 

XOXO,