It will be four months on the 9th when I made this spontaneous move to Australia. I had expectations when coming here even though I told myself different. Everything that has happened and how it has happened has been so unexpected, hence why they say; expect the unexpected. Time is the real healing remedy and nothing beats time. You cannot force it or make anything heal quicker, only time can tell.
Change: make or become different. Using that term to describe someone, do you think it is possible for someone? I am here to tell you that YES the impossible can become possible and the only true way that is, is through Jesus! AMEN. I said before that I made this move to Australia because I wanted a different view to wake up too and just understand Jesus in a more intimate way without distraction. It’s funny because it has taken me four months to realize how incredibly blessed I am. When a few weeks ago I was complaining about how badly it was here and this is waste of my time. I have felt so selfish and ungrateful though because it has taken me this long to realize a lot. Being the sovereign God He is, He is unconditional and provides nothing but unconditional Grace for all His children and I am beyond thankful for that.
Before coming here, I use to look at the world with such a negative view. I would focus so much on my circumstances and let that define my happiness, I would let others walk all over me because I wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I had so much hurt in my heart I thought I could never feel again. I was lying to myself about who I was and making some very atrocious choices. I was rude to my family, pushed everyone away, I was so selfish and wanted to just do what I wanted to do. I only wanted God when I needed something or when I was scared, other than that, I didn’t really want anything to do with Him because I was too “busy” for Him. However, this did not happen in one day, things like this happen overtime from unresolved past problems and situations.
The sad thing is that no one understands that or takes the time to ask about it because they are too selfish to care. No one understands what people actually have to go through to get to where they are at now. From there to here, I had to go through pain, hell, hurt, abuse, tears, ache, etc. to get where I am now. I’m not saying it was all worth it because at times I wanted so badly to give up but with my hope being in Christ at such a young age, that little hope kept me alive, literally.
I truly wish people invested more time into relationships these days because going further than surface level can change their life. However, the way I look at it now is that, I would like to thank them for how I was treated, because now look where I am, here. I am in beautiful Australia getting to know the creator of the earth in such an intimate one on one way. I have changed and am still changing, day-by-day. I look a life a little differently; being here is not for my luxury or want, it is actually not about me at all, it’s about His purpose and plan. He is a God who already knows the final product before we even know where to go next. In order to go there I need to be here first. If I get to travel or get to do fun activities those are just bonuses, I don’t really need that stuff.
I have endured a lot of alone time with the Lord and He has shown me that life is not so bad at all, materialistic items are really just materialistic, circumstances do not define happiness and having a few good friends is a lot better than being the most popular person in the room. I have been able to feel real genuine happiness again (it’s been years for me, so thats huge growth), I have experienced His work right in front of my own eyes, I have made mends with the people that matter so much to me and I have learned that just because I may not feel God around me or His presence, does not mean He is not there. He is still here because he will never leave us nor forsake us. He just wants me to willing want Him through the good and the bad. Throughout these past four months, I believe I have genuinely wanted God to be my Abba, Father, King, Creator, Foundation, Lover, Friend and my Number One. The only reason why I have had this change in my life is simple, I wanted it, I allowed the Holy Spirit to work in my heart and just allowed God to go to the roots of my problems, bring them to surface level and just allowed the healing process to begin.
This temporary world says that healing starts from the outside; make yourself look beautiful, be thin and have perfect complexion then work your way into the interior. Well thank GOD that He is the opposite; in His ways, it starts with the heart, then goes to the exterior. Can I get an Amen! Let me remind you, this is just the beginning, in no means am I saying I am fully changed or healed because that will never happen on this side of heaven and we are growing each and every day. I am failing and making mistakes every day and will continue too but again, the unconditional Grace that the Lord provides for me and freedom from my sin as well is the most incredible feeling and achievement that makes me want to go another day. It’s enticing and intriguing, He is a God of mystery and I want to just be the obedient servant He has called me to be. God is so good all the time and all the time He is good. To be continued…
Few verses that I’ve been reminding myself daily with to keep moving forward: Proverbs 5:3, Ephesians 6:10-16, Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalms 23.
Here’s to a new BEAYOUTIFUL YOU!