Panic attacks, anxiety attacks, heart attacks spiritual attacks, etc., are all extremely relevant in our world today. For some, they can happen on a day-to-day basis and others, once every blue moon. Depending on what’s going on in your life and how you are dealing with things, your body will react in the way it needs too from all the stress. Since moving here to Oz (nickname for Australia) I’ve been a little more stressed than usual. Being in a new environment, experiencing everything on my own, being completely dependent on God and myself. It’s a lot of firsts but I am growing each and every day. Just the other day, I actually had this really BIG itch for God. To know His presence, to understand Him, what He has for my life, knowing and believing the truth and relying on Him only. I also wanted to renew myself again to Him and have a change of heart, sight, ears and tongue. By that I mean: a better attitude, see life how God sees, hear how He hears and speak life into others. As soon as I spoke those words over myself the words; the old has past away and the new has come popped into my head.
This was such a huge growing step in my faith for myself. I actually wanted to renew myself. However, what happened next I did not expect to happen at all nor was I prepared you actually can never be prepared for this at all. There’s a little guy named Satan, Lucifer, the devil, you know him… well he HATES to know that some people truly do want to join the kingdom of Heaven and he will do anything he can to scare you, fill your head with negative thoughts and destroy your walk with the Lord. He will do ANYTHING at anytime. As I was driving home from my quiet time, speaking life over myself and just rejoicing in Jesus, he made his move. I was a few minutes from home and I felt really queasy all of the sudden, I had no idea why I was feeling that way. All of the sudden I then became very shaky, my heart felt as if it was pounding out of my chest, I could not think, speak, swallow or hardly move. I had thoughts in my head flying through like my life was flashing before my own eyes. I really thought that was it, I thought I was dying. I could not get myself out of this “thing” that I was in; I was so confused and panicking. Remember, I am driving while this is happening and I somehow managed to pull off to the side. This feeling eventually went away after about a minute and I continued on my way home.
When I arrived home I went to my good friend Google, researched panic attack symptoms and they were exactly what I had, but I was still incredibly confused as to why it happened. I was in such shock afterwards, my body was still shacking and I still could not comprehend what just happened. I’ve had panic attacks before however, they were never this bad. I then called my mother up because she is filled with a whole lot of wise wisdom and she knew after I told her my symptoms that it was in fact an attack… from the enemy. He has the ability to do just about as much as God with permission from Him, of course. It really did make sense after my mom said that because I could not breathe, talk, or think about anything besides death and in between those lines. God is not of death; He is of life, happiness, joy, etc. I had zero happy thoughts during this event and the fact I couldn’t even say Jesus’s name let alone think it, it all made sense. Satan is just as real as God. It’s annoying, scary and true, but that’s why we have Jesus to run to. I may have not ran to Him in that moment (which did upset me after the fact) but I need to give myself grace and understand the next time this happens, try as hard as I can to snap out of the attack. They are not fun; they are incredibly scary and real. It maybe hard to understand this whole “spiritual attack” if it has not happened to you first hand so let me help you prepare you if it may ever happen to you. No one ever really thinks about these things because attacks aren’t really a thing. If you are living your life for Jesus, you better buckle up because it is one bumpy ride. Yes, He promises you a joyful life with trial and tribulations on the side. In a way, I am grateful for these attacks and tribulations that happen to me. I use these situations to grow myself closer to God and in the same way he allows for these to happen to challenge us (ok, this is happening what are you going to do?) are we going to freak out, let the enemy win or are we going to run to Jesus and ask for help. Since moving here, I’ve said it has been tough, Jesus has been stretching me, and I’ve been experiencing things in ways I’ve never experienced.
Before making this move, I prayed for this to happen, I wanted this to happen, I was itching for more of God and I can definitely tell you I’ve experienced God in ways I never would’ve expected. Majority of the time you wont experience Him in the way you want, it will be out of the blue, like my attack for example. I am growing in my faith each and every day, with trials and tribulations a long side. I have a daily choice to either run to God or run away, some days I do want to run away from God and I do, but with His unconditional grace and His arms wide open, I also choose to run back to Him and embrace that hug He is always giving me. If you have been told you need to have a perfect life in order to be with God or have your life together, let me tell you that is a bunch of BULL. You are born a sinner because of this broken world however, with Jesus you are washed clean from those sins; you are white as snow and beyond perfect in His eyes. The fact that I recognized I did not run to God in that situation is a step forward; it is better than going two steps back. That is where grace comes in, to know that I am not perfect, I will make mistakes, I will learn from my mistakes, I will be challenged many more times and I will hopefully choose the right choice next time the enemy tries to have a heyday with me. In Jesus name you are a child of God and He will always be there for you NO MATTER WHAT. He will give you that feeling that no one else on this earth can, how could you not want that type of attention? He loves, cares and adores the guts out of you. Embrace that, meditate on that, and rejoice in His name. Be thankful in all situations no matter what because in that situation you never know what He maybe doing, from what just happened to me my itch grew that much more and I myself did spiritually. Here’s to a new you!