I Need You.

Distractions… they’re all over. There are those people who have a daily routine and then, there are those who go with the flow. I can be either or, however, to be more specific I do like to have a routine for my quiet time. That usually happens to be right after I wake up in the morning, so that way I can start my day with Jesus. I’m going to just be honest, ever since I have moved to Australia, I have not touched my bible once and I’ve only listened to one sermon, with distractions in-between that. I noticed the other day when I went up on the Mt. Ainslie to look at Canberra from a birds-eye view, I felt no Joy or didn’t even thank the creator for that. When I am able to experience those moments I usually do say thank you or just stand in aw. Though this time, I felt nothing and said nothing. Later on I felt as if I have been missing something, I am a person who rarely misses someone or anything in general. This feeling I’ve only really had once before and I knew what it was. My spirit was dehydrated, I felt a hole in my heart and it needed to be filled somehow. After noticing I have not had a quiet time nor have I touched the bible in a few days, I realized that when I would go and do it, some how a distraction would come up and forget about it. In that moment I felt so sad with myself and so upset that I didn’t have time for someone who always has time for me, no matter what. I became incredibly irritated and wanted Joy in that immediate moment, so I started blasting; Give Me Faith by Royal Tailor. The next couple of days I was thinking well if God wanted me here, why am I not making time for Him? Why am I straying away and not being obedient? Why am I starting this habit up again, of not feeding my spirit and saying “ill do it later”? If you go back to the first question I wrote, re-read that. I am not making time for Him. Consciously I can realize that I am not doing that and that He is never the one to blame, I needed to take responsibility for that. I have a choice in everything I do, which right now my choices are being selfish and starving my spirit from the fruitful words that I can receive during that quiet time.

Coming to Australia I also did feel quit a bit of spiritual attacks, almost the first night I arrived. Again, immediate distractions anytime I thought about Jesus, wanting to read my bible, journaling, praying or anything Jesus related I wasn’t able to focus. It is so tough being here, where I do not know a single person who loves Jesus, nor have I found a good church. Community is so incredibly important, especially to a brand new believer. Not claiming myself as that, however, I’ve taken my faith more serious for the past few years and then, jumping from having community everywhere to nothing takes a serious spiritual toll on you. Jesus may have directed me here but I do have a choice to get involved into a community, church, to have a quiet time, etc. I have a choice to want Him and to be obedient; it is my free will that is given to make that choice. It still is tough to pick my bible up and want to pray, literally down to the littlest thing; praying, I can hardly do that right now. Distractions are all over for me from at the moment, from wanting to explore new adventures, meet new people, figure out a new routine and sleep schedule, It’s hard to focus on one specific thing. I need to reevaluate my priorities, know what is healthy and what is not. Jesus comes first and will always come first in my life no matter what. We have trials and tribulations in this lifetime to grow us and to make us that much stronger. In this moment I am realizing His grace is sufficient and His love is never-ending, even though it may not seem like it in that moment. While writing this, I did notice I have had zero distractions and was able to finish this without any hesitation. God is seriously good all the time and all the time He is good! A new week is just around the corner and that’s when I tend to set up my goals or achievements id like to make for the next seven days. I am going to make a routine and really challenge myself to wake up earlier than usual and put forth effort to have a quiet time with the Lord, even if it’s not reading the bible, just sitting in silence and enjoying His glorious presence.

Other then all that spiritual update, the past four days have been so incredibly awesome, the weather is sunshine all the time and I am still in jet-lag mode, with getting heaps of sleep! Sleep is always good (:

To be continued…

xoxo,

BCD

Here is the view on top of Mt. Ainslie lookout and then driving down we saw some Kangaroos on the side of the road.

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